By Benjamin Schaar

“Aahhhh…” Gee sighed, staring at his girlfriend, Fee.

“Aahhhh…” Fee sighed, staring at her boyfriend, Gee.

“Ughhhh…” Bee groaned, satisfied by his 14-course meal. Bee was Gee’s annoying brother who insisted on joining Gee and Fee during their romantic date night. Bee has no interest in the love that was Gee and Fee, but had tagged along because Fee has suggested they visit the Chungo Cafe, which was Bee’s favorite restaurant. Being that Bee’s taste buds were nothing of the average giraffe, the Chungo Cafe was Gee’s least favorite restaurant. 

“I need something to wash all this delicious food down,” Bee said.

“How about a glass of water?” Gee said, not taking his eyes off of Fee.

“I was thinking maybe something along the lines of Trash Bites,” Bee said. “Water is too basic.” Trash Bites were Bee’s favorite snack. They were made of 100% real trash as the package proudly boasted. A single Trash Bite was a little cube of compacted trash. Just like the Chungo Cafe, Gee despised them.

“I”m going to the shop next door to buy some Trash Bites,” Bee said, standing up from the table. 

“Fine by us,” Fee said, rolling her eyes.

“Hey!” Gee shouted, “You’re not supposed to take your eyes off me, Fee! I’m your boyfriend after all.”

“Okay, my two-toed elephant,” Fee said.

“Thank you, my caramel and ketchup filled chocolate bar,” Gee said.

Bee entered Charlie’s Convenience Store. Inside, he saw racks of junk food, a single cooler filled with drinks, and a tall, skinny man behind the counter. A nameplate was present in front of him with “Charlie” printed on it. 

“Welcome,” said Charlie, waving his hands as if he were about to show Bee his newest magic trick. “Welcome to the wondrous depths of Charlie’s Convenience Store. We have the finest selection of junk food and sports drinks.” To end his show, Charlie took a bow, and Bee clapped. 

“How can I help my Giraffe-like customer?” Charlie asked.

“I’m looking for Trash Bites,” Bee said, scanning the shop for his favorite snack.

“Trash Bites, you say?” I’m displeased to inform you that the Trash Bites company is going out of business. We haven’t had a shipment in ages!”

“Out of business?!” Bee exclaimed. “I have to put them back in business by doing my business!”

Charlie looked hopeless. “Alas,” he said, “I have yet another disappointment for you – we don’t have a bathroom.” But just as Charlie finished, the shop’s door shut, and Bee was gone.

Back in the restaurant, Gee and Fee were enjoying the CHungo Cafe’s most edible dessert: A brick covered in dark chocolate and wrapped with bacon.

“I wonder what’s keeping Bee,” Fee said through a mouthful of brick.

“Better off without him,” Gee said, who hadn’t touched the brick.

Bee opened the door to his car, though he really didn’t need to as the car was at knee level.Bee had never gotten his driver’s license, so he drove a functional toy car. “To the Trash Bites factory!” Bee shouted, “And step on it!” Bee pressed a little harder on the pedal, bringing the car from one mile an hour to a whopping 1.5 miles per hour.

After hours of driving, Bee finally reached his destination – Trash Bites campus, population: 1.

Pushing through the double doors shaped like trash can lids, Bee was greeted by a man who looked like he has been working for Trash Bites since the Jurassic period. “Welcome,” the man said, waving his bony hand. “How might I be of assistance?”

“I would like to put the Trash Bites company back in business,” Bee said. 

“It is far too late for that,” the man said. “I am the last employee hee, and I can’t manage the constant repairs in the factory. Unless, well, you wouldn’t want to.” 

“What wouldn’t I want to do?” Bee asked. 

“You could take over the company,” the man said.

“Really?! I’d love to!” Bee exclaimed.

“Well then,” the man began putting on a pair of sunglasses he kept in his pocket. “My work here is done!” The old employee ran towards the door and tore off his clothes, revealing a bathing suit underneath. “To Florida!” the man ran through the parking lots with his hands waving in the air.

Bee looked around the factory. No one was there except himself. “I need some workers,” Bee said, punching in Fee’s phone number.

Ring, ring! Ring, ring! Fee’s phone rang while she forced a piece of dark chocolate covered, bacon wrapped brick into Gee’s mouth. Fee picked up her phone. “Yes, Bee?” Really! I’d love to! You sent me directions to the place? Perfect. I’ll be on my way.” Fee hung up the phone.

“Who was that?” Gee asked, eager to spare himself from the brick.

“I said it was Bee, my chunky cheese,” Fee said.

“What does he want?” Gee asked, knowing that whatever Bee needed wouldn’t be good.

“He’s giving me a once in a lifetime offer to work for a thriving business!”

“Are you going to take it?” Gee asked.

“Of course!” Fee said. “In fact, I’m going to help Bee night now!” Gee was relieved he didn’t have to eat the brick.

“You have arrived at your destination,” the GPS said. Fee stepped out of her car. THe drive hadn’t been terribly long, but an old man in a bathing suit and sunglasses had been running down the highway which was rather odd.

“I wonder what this business does,” Fee said, pulling open doors shaped like trash can lids. A terrible smell greeted Fee. It was a lot like that of a landfill. 

“Welcome,” Bee said. “Welcome to the one, the only, Trash Bites HQ!”

“What?!” Fee exclaimed, coughing at the horrible smell. “You actually think I’m going to work for Trash Bites?!”

“Well, yes,” Bee said, confused with Fee’s reaction. “And anyway, the job pays ten grams of Trash Bites.”

“Ten grand?!” Fee said, missing the Trash Bites part.

“No, ten grams,” Bee corrected, but Fee had begun chanting.

“Ten grand! Ten grand! Bee, you have yourself a deal!”

“Okay,” Bee said. “You can start by being the receptionist. You’ll sit at this desk all day long, and if anyone comes in, you can help them with their Trash Bite problems.”

“And what will you do?” Fee asked, in a tone that suggested she was not happy with her job.

“I’ll be improving the Trash Bites formula to make it sell better.”

“The only person you’ll be selling it to is yourself,” Fee muttered

Bee went to his office which had a desk with a comfortable chair, a computer, and boxes and boxes of Trash Bites. Bee got to work. He sampled a normal Trash BIte. “Delicious as always,” Bee concluded, helping himself to another. He then sprinkled some salt on the Trash Bites. He found the salt in one of his desk drawers. The salt seemed older than the last receptionist.

Bee tried his new formula. It was delicious! It keeped the Trash Bites flavor but added a small kick of salt. He grabbed his creation and ran to Fee’s desk. Fee was relaxing in her chair, scrolling through social media. On her phone was a video titled, “Ways to spend $10,000.” She was also on a call, but she hung up when Bee came in.

“Fee! Fee!” Bee exclaimed, reaching Fee’s desk and diving onto it.

“What?!” Fee said, unhappy that Bee was now sitting on her desk.

“I’ve discovered a new Trash Bites formula! It adds salt!”

“Wonderful,” Fee said sarcastically. “Now go back to your office.” Bee did so. When he reached his desk, he turned his computer on and searched “Trash Bites,” because he wanted to stare at an image of Trash Bites. The first thing that popped up was an article called, “New competitor to Trash Bites – Trash Bits!” Bee clicked on the link. He read the article which in the end left him fuming with rage.

Some company had made a copy of Trash Bites called Trash Bites. Trash Bits were puffy little crackers topped with salt! They had stolen Bee’s idea! Bee searched for Treash Bits HQ. It turned out they had built their factory only a minute away from Trash Bites HQ. Bee needed to stop then, and he had a plan.

Back at Fee’s desk, Bee asked Fee to order a catapult online. “On what planet, Bee, would you need a catapult?!” was Fee’s reaction.

“You’ll see,” Bee said, rubbing his hands together. “Make sure to order i with same day arrival,” Bee added.

A knock came from Bee’s door. “What is it?” Bee asked wearily. He burped.

“Your catapult arrived. What happened to you?” Fee said.

“I ate the whole thing of salt over there.” Bee pointed to the salt he had found. Fee checked the package.

“This salt expired in 1928,” she said. “Does salt even expire?” Bee wasn’t listening. He has gotten up from his chair to put the next part of his plan in action. 

Fee followed Bee which led her to a big vault door.

“Setib Hsart,” Bee said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Fee asked.

“It’s Trash Bites spelled backwards,” Bee said. It turned out that Setib Hsart was the password for the vault. The door opened, revealing boxes and boxes of Trash Bites.

“What are you going to do with all those Trash Bites?” Fee asked.

“You’ll see,” Bee said. He took a few boxes with him to the catapult. Then, he loaded them in it. 

“Why would you want to launch all those Trash BItes?” Fee asked, understanding Bee’s plan.

“We have competition,” Bee explained. “A new company called Trash BIts has copied us, and their factory is very close.”

“Wait, Bee, I think I know…” But Beehad already positioned the catapult. “Fire!” he commanded to himself. Bee pulled a lever which launched the catapult. The two watched at the boxed soared through the air and hit the building next door. The weight of the boxes alone couldn’t penetrate through the roof, but the stink was so bad that it melted through it. 

Bee and Fee ran to the building and burst through the doors.

“How dare you copy our thriving business!” Bee shouted to the receptionist. THe inside looked identical to Trash Bites HQ. The only difference was the identity of the receptionist. It was Gee!

“What are you doing here?!” Bee exclaimed in surprise.

“That’s what I was trying to tell you, Bee. Gee called me earlier today and said he was jealous that we got to control a business.” Fee explained.

“So,” Gee said, “I bought a huge cloning machine and cloned the Trash Bites campus. Then I changed the formula from real trash to crackers.”

“Oh,” Bee said. “You could have just asked me for a job at Trash Bites.”

“Stop,” Gee said in a change of tone. “You’re running my dramatic explanation by stating obvious things I overlooked!”

“Yeah,” Fee said. “You’re running my peanut butter and metal sandwich’s dramatic explanation.”

“Sorry,” Bee said.

“And anyway, where’s that ten grand you promised me, Bee?”

“I never promised you ten grand. I said you’d get ten grams of Trash Bites.” Bee reached into his pocket and gave Fee a single Trash Bite. “If you ask me,” Bee continued, “That’s much better than ten grand!”

“I quit,” Fee said in disgust.

“Yeah,” Gee said. “My syrup palm tree quits!”

In the next few weeks, Gee sold the Trash Bits company to a European billionaire who could manage it better. Bee sold his company to someone from Antarctica who looked a lot like a penguin.