Most people are born with innate kindness –

It’s part of what makes us human. But like most other character traits, the behaviors which define kindness will only show themselves if developed during childhood and in life.

A few years ago, my son was diagnosed with leukemia (he is now in remission). During the first two

years after his diagnosis, we were overwhelmed by the wonderful kindness of acquaintances and people whom we didn’t even know. When given the opportunity (my son’s illness), people naturally let down their guards and let their true emotions dictate their actions. Cards, banners, prepared food, ribbons on mailboxes, car magnets, pins, t-shirts – it was a thing of beauty, which truly reaffirmed the spirit of humanity to us. We saw similar human spirit in the aftermath of 911 and Hurricane Sandy. So how can we teach our children examples of kindness, in the absence of tragedies?

As children grow older, they follow the lead of the adults around them, and often become hesitant to be openly kind. As parents, we need to observe our children and very intentionally point out when they are exhibiting acts of kindness by giving positive reinforcement. At Liberty Lake, our staff utilizes a technique that we call “DLP”. Check it out, as it’s a simple and effective technique that you can use with your children/students as well.

D = Define

Tell your child explicitly what behavior you observed, which was so great.

Example: “You ran ahead to open the door for that lady carrying the groceries.”

L = Label

Tell your child what type of quality or character trait this behavior exemplifies.

Example: “That’s being helpful, which shows kindness.”

P = Praise

Then, after being specific as to what they have done, and what it signifies, congratulate them – give them a high five or a hug – and tell them how awesome they are, and how proud you are of them!

Our days are chock full of “teachable moments” that usually go overlooked, or referenced casually, without specifics, “Hey, that was really nice of you.”  The DLP technique helps children to connect the dots in their brains that a specific behavior connects to a specific quality which connects with praise from us. We have been doing this at Liberty Lake Day Camp for three summers now, and it continues to strengthen our culture of kindness.

Another important technique that we as parents can do is DEBRIEF the day with our children. While most of us are busy, tired, reading the newspaper (or our phones/tablets) when we’re all home at the end of a day, we need to make the time each evening to let our children talk through the highs and lows of their day with us. We should then listen intently and constructively interject with questions like, “Why did you do that?”, “What could you have done differently”, “If that happens tomorrow, what will you do?” Moments of conflict become teachable moments for our children. Very often, children are presented with situations of children or adults “being mean” to them or others. These can be framed as wonderful opportunities for them to show kindness, as opposed to being angry and vengeful.

One of my greatest mentors in life (a Camp Director) told and showed me over and over that some of the toughest situations with difficult people could be remedied when you “kill them with kindness”. Kindness can be very disarming and can remind people about their true human instincts – to love thy neighbor. Take the opportunities as they come to model this behavior yourself, and point it out, as kids learn the most by modeling YOUR behavior, good or bad!

Andy Pritikin

Owner/Director, Liberty Lake Day Camp

President, American Camp Association NY/NJ

@libertylaker